Janathon Day 12: Walk 5.3km, Time 1hr 10min, Weather mizzle, then rain, then soft grey
This morning there was a story on Today about a woman who over the past 22 years has put plastic flowers on the grave of her daughter and every time the vicar has removed them; saying he is only following church rules. An academic was interviewed, to give the broader picture, who said recently there had been a growing trend for people to put objects as well as flowers on graves, to memorialise their loved ones. She made the point that this could be the result of social attitudes that elevate individuality over all else and the tendency to associate it with possessions. This she said made agreement difficult because cemeteries are public spaces and there needs to be a balance between their maintenance as such and the desire of people to remember their own in particular ways.
This was new to me - another area of changing social mores of which I am unaware. The only thing I have noticed is the increasing number of flowers by the roadside (or sometimes a bear or a football scarf). After a time they get washed and bleached into a sad state of bedragglement. As I pass them I often wonder about the accident and how long the temporary tributes remain - what is deemed a reasonable time before they are removed?
So on today's walk I decided to follow-up the story and visit our town's cemetery. It seems that our local practice is to take a relaxed attitude. About half the flowers are plastic and a few of the graves have other objects. Nevertheless it is a beautifully maintained public space.
Today's photograph is of one of the more idiosyncratic graves, with both objects, a drawing and a handmade cross, nevertheless fits-in with the traditional headstones of varying age that surround it. The cemetery is not overrun with an untidy profusion of stuff. All is orderly, but in its own way each grave is idiosyncratic. Seeing this, I was struck by the idea that the problem, such as it is, is not one of memorialising the dead in an individual way but of timescale.
Permanent memorials are deemed to be fine as they are a tradition stretching back thousands of years. The rich have always marked death in elaborate ways. The main difference between a stone angel and a plastic doll is not in its concept but in its execution and permanence. We are happy with the solid, the stone, as we are with the very temporary, the flowers which will rot (they are after all an illustration of life cycle). We are however more uneasy about things in between - tokens that will not rot but will rather fade and disintegrate, over a longer time.
As in many areas of life we worry about distinctions and are particularly concerned by things that leak out of defined categories.
And I might also say the same about blogposts. What has this got to do win Janathon?
Not a thing - except it was part of the day's rather meagre exercise. So I promise to try harder tomorrow and write more about exercise
5 comments:
Interesting post. I know that the church yard where my dad is buried won't allow anything other than flower (and headstones) to be left. As you say, flowers are very temporary and headstones last pretty much forever, long after those that put them there are gone too. I wonder if that has something to do with it ... :-)
Just a quick note to say how much I am enjoying your blog - you really do come up with something thoughtful and new every day. I heard the same item on Today, and thought how sad it was that this family are at the point of disinterring their relative so they can preserve their memories in a way that works for them.
Keep up the good work!
Jules (@2011miles)
This is an interesting observation. I read somewhere that we are becoming less religious but more spiritual. It was linked with the public display of grief over Princess Diana's death. In many ways I think the practice of flowers at the road side at the sight of an accident gives pause for thought, of those who were killed and maybe even make driving a little more careful even if only for a short time. On the other hand, if people are going to use non(or slow)biodegradable items, they should take some responsibility for the care of them.
At one cemetary nearby there are many solar lights around the headstones, it must be quite a weird sight at night!
Thanks for all the comments
The Guardian also followed up the story here
I'm always troubled by the roadside shrines, particularly when a long time has elapsed (I pass one spot on my way to work which has had long since decayed flowers on it for over two years). I'm sure that you'll have seen the concept of ghost bikes before, oddly beautiful and very poignant.
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