Mental Turmoil Before a Race

Just 4 days to go to my marathon and there is nothing I can do to make myself fitter, increase endurance or lose weight. Nothing - absolutely nothing. All that left is to regret the things I did not do and worry about how things will turn out.

Who knows if I have put enough endurance in my legs? Although I fell short on my long runs I have been fairly consistent in my pattern of exercise, despite some injury gaps. I might be able to hang on – well that is what I am hoping; that is what I keep telling myself. However there is no margin for error. The cut-off time is 5 hours, so if I blow up and have to walk for long periods it could be touch and go as to whether I am allowed to finish.

Now I know that a pop psychologist will say that you should dismiss all such negative thoughts and just concentrate on succeeding, just picture yourself crossing that finishing line, just imagine running comfortably. That all makes sense and positive visualisation is quite enjoyable, in a daydreamy sort of way. I like doing that. However I can’t get too carried away because my default mental setting is pessimism about my own abilities, which has a tendency to corrode any rah-rah thinking. Instead I have to acknowledge my fears and work them through. I can’t wish them away.

The fears are largely based on the Amsterdam marathon last year, where I walked over a third of the course and finished a few seconds inside 5 hours. I have to convince myself that there were particular reasons for that and I am fitter and stronger this time. Although my head knows those reasons (I had picked up a virus and was not very well) my body still holds the memory of utter exhaustion. Because it was in my last marathon that memory looms large and a nasty voice in my head taunts me by saying ‘you’re only making excuses; maybe you can never last more than 15 miles’.

I have to be able to silence that voice and for this I have a number of strategies:

1) Letting go of the idea of failure. If it falls apart again, it is not a disaster. It is just another chapter in my running story – something I have to learn from. All that matters is that I do as well as I can on the day and then look upon it dispassionately, with the eyes of an outsider.

2) Turn Amsterdam around and look at it positively, as I was actually quite proud of myself. I kept going and finished. I think that was some sort of achievement.

3) Look at the positives of this years training – some sessions have been quite good. Overall I have enjoyed my running.

4) Feel the body getting stronger during this taper period and trust that feeling. I can believe that I will feel quite well rested at the start (even if I don’t know what time zone I am in).

5) Use the anxiety positively, to keep me cautious in the early stages . Just hold back and then hold back some more.

Above all I have to remember why I run and why I am doing this. I run partly for enjoyment, partly for fulfilment, partly for connections and partly to ask questions of myself. If I keep that in mind on Sunday then I am sure things will be OK.

Base Camp

By accident rather than design my current training plan might have some sort of basis in theory, as it seems to have some similarity to 'reverse periodisation'. Amazing - it only goes to show that there is a concept and name for everything and that most things have been tried at sometime. For me concentrating on gym work, trying to build up strength and leg speed is not just a soft way of keeping out of the of grey, cold, wet, windy weather - oh no it is an bona fide training technique!

I typed the phrase into Google and most of the reference came from triathlon. Quite a nice post is this from The Triathlon Book. I also found out that it is common in cycling and neither Greg Lamond or Lance Armstrong believed in bashing out the long miles in winter (probably the only thing they do agree on). However, for me, that is purely coincidental; my plan is based on observing my running and the need to try something different.

I am convinced that a large part of running is mental i.e. based on an internal sense of what you can and cannot do. There is an in-built sense of self-preservation linked to a voice wanting you to ease back, keep comfortable, keep something in reserve. This means there is an internal feel for a comfortable pace dictated both by the body's capacity and an idea of the body's capacity. The purpose of training is not only to develop muscle, sinew, heart and lungs but also extending the internal model of what you can do. For me that has half worked. I have confidence in the ability to keep going but my pattern of mostly running easy miles has reinforced my comfort zone rather than stretching it. My internal rhythm running rhythm is now calibrated at a fairly slow leg turnover.

Something needs to be done to shake this up. My plan is thus to recalibrate my sense of cadence before gradually extend distance. This is combined with the idea of improving general strength, especially of the core and shoulders, which will help the maintenance of good running posture for longer. Also I read somewhere about the need for more resistance exercise as you get older to ameliorate the natural wasting of muscles - so that is what I am trying to do.

So far this month I have been to the gym 5 times a week, alternating cv and strength days. I have not run any long sessions on the treadmill (I don't know why but I find that mentally quite hard), it has been fairly short bursts at a pace that feels slightly uncomfortable. I have also used the bikes at a cadence of 90 to try to make that rhythm feel normal.

I do not know whether this is a good plan or not - if I run better than last year it is good, if I don't it is not. I just tend to think of it as base training - i.e. building a base of general strength and fitness.