Links to the past

The news that Allders is going into administration fills me with a nostalgic sadness. I have no link to the shop, am not a current customer and cannot remember the last time I even thought of them. Yet I feel gently sad.

The reason is that my mother’s family came from Croydon and memories from the first half of my life are full of my grandmother and visits to the town. Allders was somehow part of Croydon’s identity. It was large, dominated one side of North End (the main shopping street) and seemed to have been there forever. It had been on the same site for longer than my grandmother could remember and for me, as a child, that certainly made it ancient.

Some of the large department stores in other towns seemed also to have a social role. My first wife had two elderly maiden aunts who, everyday, used to put on their fox fur stoles and take afternoon tea at Bobby’s in Eastbourne. Allders was never like that; it was just there. But being there is important because it gives a sense of continuity. Now it may or may not survive, it may or may not be sold off, but whatever happens a link has been broken.

I am doing more and more of this type of reminiscing - thinking of the past, sifting it and making patterns. Partly it is a function of my age, feeling how remote that time now is and wanting to recover it, but mostly it is a search for continuity. Internally I look at what happened and how I reacted, the ways that my sinews of character pulled my behaviour. Externally I compare the differing textures of the times.

Running is a big stimulus to this. Physically it shows you what you can now do, which gives an easy comparison with what you could do when younger. You notice the loss of flexibility and the need for more recovery. The body heals more slowly (one of the many frustrations). However I was never in peak condition - I do not have the history of a good athlete - so I can look back quite dispassionately and just try to make sense of what is happening. I do not regret lost form.

Aside from the direct physical experience there are other reminders. Sometimes when I am really exhausted I will flash back to an all day off-road cycling trek, when we had to walk the last ten miles because it was pitch black, the trail was treacherous and we had no lights. That you survived means that you know you can carry on when all your systems want to shut down and stop.

Sometimes it is the route itself. I run along the Grand Union Canal. Could there be a more resonant location -the major artery of the country during the industrial revolution? You can think of the horse plodding where I plod or of all the people who had walked the path. Then there are the remnants of manufacturing, the John Dickinson paper mill and the Ovaltine factory. Canals show you how the country grew.

Sometimes the act of running just opens the mind up and you can make connections.

Reason No. 10 for running: It gives you a sense of continuity

Running, talking and core stability

In the current Runners World there is a half page on mental tricks; the first of which is to imagine being pulled along by a piece of string attached to the navel. I think this is a great idea as long as you ditch the string and the pulling (I could never see myself as Spiderman). All that is left is the thought of the navel but this, or rather about two finger widths below it, is what you should be thinking of, or rather thinking through. It is your centre of gravity; the core and you can imagine your energy being focused there.

This might sound more fanciful than Spiderman but it is not; it is simple and something I learnt about on a public speaking course. It is an amazingly effective way of giving yourself more presence in front of your audience. You stand evenly balanced on both feet and you think through this area and you feel more firmly rooted and stronger. This can be proved by a simple test. Ask someone to stand upright and then push one of their shoulders; typically it will give way in a fairly floppy fashion. Now tell them to stand upright and think through their centre of gravity. You will now find there is resistance and strength when you push the shoulder.

When you are running this thought locus helps with your sense of balance and posture and it will feel strong long after your leg muscles have tired. This might even help you keep going. (Well perhaps).

An experiment of one

The first running book I bought was Joe Henderson's 'Better Runs' and he remains one of my favourite running writers. He has an open intelligence and is always trying to distill his own experience as well as the experience of colleagues. He is passing on lessons learnt but not as a grand pedagogic system, it is up to the reader to decide if the advice coincides with their own circumstances and attitudes.

This accords with the philosophy Henderson's mentor George Sheehan, who wrote:

" We must have a healthy distrust and a healthy cynicism for the experts, and for authority in general. Each of us is an experiment of one. Each is an expert in the self, a witness of a personal truth, our own best authority."

I think that this is the most the profound truth about running. It does not mean that other people cannot help - of course they can; one must learn from somewhere. It means that everything must be filtered through our experience and on every run we are testing how our body is reacting. We have to learn to trust our own senses.

A simple example. There are many runners who believe, quite logically, in specialisation i.e. that the way to improve at running is to concentrate solely on running, because other activities do not develop muscles in quite the same way. These people are likely to knock out prodigious weekly mileages. Whilst other people like to mix up activities and training because they find too much of one thing is either a bit boring or over stresses the body. These people thrive on variety and will do fewer miles. Both sets of people are right.

In the same essay he also says

"My advice to these advisors would be. "Do not tell me what to do, tell me what you do. Do not tell me what is good for me, tell me what is good for you. If, at the same time you reveal the you in me, if you become a mirror to my inner self, then you have made a listener and a friend."

It seems to me that is exactly what happens on the Runners World forum and all the personal blogs. People are sharing what works or does not work for them - things that can be tested on our own little Bunsen burners. We all might be pursuing individual experiments but we are also part of a community that shares a common endeavour.

Reason N0. 9 for running: It teaches you to trust your own senses

There is still hope

This is news from a few months ago that is really quite heartening It is a statistical analysis of results of the New York Marathon between 1983-96 that found that the average times of older age groups improved more than the average times for younger age groups.

Internal models

One of the heroes of the Runners World forums is Plodding Hippo. She is always there, consistently supportive and has a great dedication to her sport. But however generous she may be in her attitude to others she is unrelentingly harsh on herself. Always she describes herself as a crap runner because she is slow. That no one else agrees with her doesn’t seem to make any difference as she consistently downplays her achievements.

It takes tremendous dedication, determination and courage to run multiple marathons and ultra marathons and someone who can do that is an impressive runner, whatever the speed. But she will not recognise this and seems to think that what she does isn’t good enough. I would not like to speculate on the reasons for this; I don’t know her and can have no knowledge of her essential truth. However it has made me think about the internal models we all have and how they provide the criteria we use to judge our own performance.

The trouble is that mostly these models hide in the shadows, bound up with feelings self worth, our place in the world, and desires of what we would like to be. It is difficult to take them out, examine them dispassionately, see whether they accorded to objective reality and then alter them. Always there is a little voice saying ‘I should be better than that’. But with running there is no ‘should be’ there is only ‘you are’. You go out and you know how far or how fast or for how long you have run (sometimes all three + your heart rate, if you are really serious). That is it; that’s what you can do. You can get better, you may get better, but that is what you are at the moment.

It is one of the things I have always had to learn to accept. In running my particular moment of reconciliation came after my first (and so far only) marathon. I wanted to do under 4 hours, felt I should have been able to do under 4 hours and for 21 miles was well on schedule for that time. Unfortunately my quadriceps then decided that they no longer wished to participate in this madcap adventure and I could barely lift my knees. I finished in 4:09. Instead of taking pride from finishing in a reasonable time my feelings of satisfaction were mixed with a certain bitterness that I had failed to meet my target and I kept on asking myself why. The answer was blindingly simple: for the amount of training I had done, that was the shape I was in and those 9 minutes did not matter. The difficulty was accepting it.

I only managed to do that when I asked myself: who was I trying to impress? Why would I feel better saying I did less than 4 hours? There was no good answer. I am not running to impress anyone and nobody I talk to is bothered by the exact time. So I then had to ask why being a sub-4 marathon runner was part of my internal model? Again there was no good answer as I have not taken up running to run specific times. Targets are good for organising training and pacing – they do not define my running or me.

The model has now been edited and is back to what it was before Abingdon, when I ran races to reveal the shape I was in at the time. That is all they did then and all they will do in the future.

Reason No. 8 for running: It does not show you where you should be, it shows you where you are.

On the beach

These are some excerpts from an interview with Herb Elliott about his coach Percy Cerutty. Although Cerutty was thought of as eccentric, he was obviously mentally stimulating and gave Elliott an appreciation of the wider nature of the sport and a sense of spirit.

It is interesting that Herb Elliott did not think he would have done as well if he had been coached by Cerutty's great rival Franz Stempfl (the man who coached Roger Bannister) because he thought Stempfl's more scientific approach was just a matter of running intervals round and round a track - something that contained no beauty.

Training the sand dunes at Portsea

"...he seemed to be more interested in using your sport to develop you into a better human being, than he did in using your sport to become a world champion. I mean he somehow or other put your sport into a much larger context than just running around in circles faster than anybody else...

Underneath it all there was a sort of sound philosophy based on 'Let's improve ourselves as human beings, let's become more compassionate, let's become bigger, let's become stronger, let's become nicer people...

And he showed me a way that I could be a better person, which was to use the skill that I had which was running, and provided that, and this is where I asked him the question. I said, 'Well how do I become a better person by running round in circles?' And he said, 'You only ever grow as a human being if you're outside your comfort zone.' And so I guess I went into all of my training and my approach to training was that you've got to be outside your comfort zone, so I was an intense, high quality trainer, and there was a lot of pain in my training sessions as a consequence of that. But I think it was one of the reasons why I just never got beaten, because every training session, four out of six, were nominated as quality, and I was used to sort of doing the hard yards at quality...

I mean running, in fact pretty well anything we do in life, has a spiritual component to it, and so I always found, and probably most people find, that they run better and easier in beautiful surroundings. And of course Portsea, with the magnificent cliffs, the reefs, the pounding surf, the beach, the tracks through the tea -tree, was just a wonderful environment to run in. And it was spiritually uplifting. So when you got down there you just sniffed in the salt air and you felt your chest expand and you could feel your muscles in your legs tingle. It just made you want to run..."


Reason No. 7 for running: It has a spiritual component

A minimalist sport

Running is fundamentally repetitive. On foot follows another, follows another, follows another, from start till stop. There are variations in cadence and effort and concentration but essentially you are always doing the same thing. So why is it not boring? This is the essential mystery of running and something I will probably come back to again and again as I fumble for an answer. I just can't pin it down; it is elusive.

All I know is that when I run I am absorbed in the activity, sometimes in a very conscious way as thoughts go flying by, other times it is almost mindless.

There are two types of thinking when running: one is external, a distraction, thinking of something completely separate like what happened last night or trying to compile your list of desert island discs; the other is internal, examining the mechanics of what you are doing, the way the feet are landing, your breathing, the movement of the muscles, the flow of air around your body, the rhythm of your footfalls

Most of the time my thoughts are internal. These are mixed with things I notice about my surroundings from the micro attention of looking where I am putting my feet and how the ground changes (important when you are running trails), to looking at the landscape. Every time I run I notice something new about the route, sometimes it is transient like the way the light plays on a wall, sometimes it is becoming aware of a feature that was previously invisible. There are always changes, minor variations that make an endlessly shifting pattern.

It is a bit like minimalist music.

Knock knock
Who's there
Knock knock
Who's there
Knock knock
Who's there
Knock knock
Who's there

Philip Glass

Reason No. 6 for running: Things are never exactly the same

This land is your land, This land is my land

I have a few running routes, but my long runs are all either alongside the canal (between Hemel Hempstead and Watford, or between Hemel Hempstead and Berkhamsted) or on the footpaths and bridleways of Ashridge. I run these routes repeatedly but never get bored, instead it seems that the more I run them the more I enjoy them.

It has something to do with a sense of ownership. By continually imprinting these paths with my footprints I feel that I own them.

Reason No. 5 for running: You can mark out your own territory.

Smell the Flowers

Don't hurry. Don't worry. You're only here on a short visit, so don't forget to stop and smell the flowers - Walter Hagan (1892-1969).

Now this has got to be one of the great clichés of golf, printed on every brochure for clubs who want to highlight their landscaping and mentioned with a chuckle by commentators when someone is unravelling before their eyes. But just because something is a cliché does not make it invalid.

The interesting thing is that it was said by one of the great golfers, someone at the top of the game. I would be hard put to think of any of today’s top sportsmen who would come out with such a quote. Now it is all about dedication, focus and giving 110/200/1,000 percent and success is validated by the hard work involved.

Sometimes when I look at the training schedules for the marathon and think they look all hard work and dedication and that is what I want to escape from when I run. It must not feel like work.

I can still remember a run of a few weeks ago that defined me forever as an amateur. It was one of those winter days when the temperature was crisp, the sky bright and the sunlight clear. I had just run a hill loop to bring me back to the canal and then I looked up. The water was completely still with the clear reflection of the trees and hedgerows, there was not a person in sight and there was a sense of complete calm. I just stopped – never mind the training, never mind the schedule – I spent the time in peaceful contemplation. It felt wonderful.

Reason No. 4 for running: It takes you to places where you can smell the flowers

Bob Dylan and the age of steam

Chronicles is not a chronological account of Bob Dylan; instead it is a number of snapshots of various points of his life. Two of the most vivid are his early years in New York, just before he became famous and the making 'Oh Mercy'. The juxtaposition clearly shows the affects of age. When young there was a suppleness and fecundity - he would learn long poems just for the mental training and he would make up songs on the spot. He worked hard at his craft but there was a sense that it was easy. By the time he recorded 'Oh Mercy' he had virtually given up song writing, feeling that that time had passed, and the story is one of struggle. He was unsure about the melodies and feel and the songs were not coming to life. Things could only be tackled piece by piece, with no sense that he could just dash off something new if some bit did not work.

I was right alongside him reading that, fully associating with the effects of age - where everything has to be worked on. You can remember easy spontaneity but it is not the way you now function.

So with running. I know I no longer have the flexibility and recovery I once had and have to make adjustments – rarely running two consecutive days, alternating hard and easy sessions. So much is standard but the more important changes are with my mental images, particularly those related to speed. I now love the slow steady run. I feel connected to the ground and it feels safe. I do not have the desire to dash about and gambol. Speed no longer feels like a quick touch on the accelerator, instead the poor fireman has to shovel more coal into the boiler to raise the steam pressure.

In a strange way I accept and even rejoice in it. If I am a steam engine then I have to approach the restoration project with the enthusiasm of a Fred Dibner. The aim is still to be the best I can not the best there is.

Reason No. 3 for running: It makes you accept your age but still gives you the chance to work on it.

The sentences of running

I read this in the Scott Rosenberg blog at Salon

A well-known writer got collared by a university student who asked, "Do you think I could be a writer?"

"Well," the writer said, "I don't know. . . . Do you like sentences?"

The writer could see the student's amazement. Sentences? Do I like sentences? I am 20 years old and do I like sentences? If he had liked sentences, of course, he could begin, like a joyful painter I knew. I asked him how he came to be a painter. He said, "I liked the smell of the paint."

It is one of those quotes that lifts a small veil and lets you look at every activity with a bit more clarity. Just what is it in the act of doing something that you like? It is not about grandiose aims and objectives - they wont necessarily make you good ; its not about abstract skill - they help but they wont keep you going. It is about a sensory appreciation of the basic element of the craft/task/activity.

What is the equivalent in running? I think it is the sensation of the body moving. The way that the muscles work together, the way you can feel the pull and release, the way you notice how the movements from different parts of the body mesh together, the way you are aware of your heart rate and breathing and the way that you feel ground and the slight adjustments you make because of it.

I like all that. When I am out on a run I sense those things in a way that is both thinking and non-thinking, i.e. that snap in and out of consciousness. I think they are my sentences.

Reason No. 2 for running: I like sentences

The family that runs together - separately

Until one year ago I hated even the idea of going for a run. It was not that I was unfit or unused to exercise – I have always been a cyclist and also play racquet sports. It is just that I had always thought the only purpose of running was to get in position when you were playing other games. It was not an end in itself.

This attitude was deeply ingrained and went back as far as my school days. Although I was quite sporty and played first team rugby, whenever we were forced to go on a cross country run I languished at the back with the weak and the uncoordinated. It did not seem like a lot of fun

The reason that everything has changed is down to my daughter who thought that we should do the Great North Run together. As she didn’t run and I didn’t run it was amazing we had not thought of it before! I was in two minds. I wanted to be involved in a joint enterprise and so deepen our relationship but on the other hand I could not imagine myself really doing it. However my daughter has never been one to be deflected when she fixes on something and phoned me the moment that entries opened for the race, so that we could get a place and she organised a Trailplus training camp in January. There was no turning back.

We never really trained together as she lived 30 miles away but it was a great focus of attention. We were always interested in what we were doing and loved talking about what we had learnt. So it achieved the aim of increasing our communication. However the love of running and the enjoyment of being out side and the need to be out – well that was just totally unexpected.

I had found my new sport.

Not only that so did my wife. She saw how much I got from running and secretly started to run as well. When she felt confident enough she told me and we were a family of three separate runners.

Reason No.1 for running: It is both social and solitary at the same time.

Intro and Outro

I don't really want to talk about myself. This is a strange opening line for a blog - because what is a blog if not an opportunity to be a bit self indulgent. But it is nevertheless true; I am not very interested in recording details of my life, how well the runs are going, milage etc. I am however interested in trying to work out my relationship to running, why I am absorbed by it and whether at the end of the day, after all that effort, it is worth anything more than a hill of beans.

So to put it all into context I need to start with an introduction so that anybody reading this knows that all my opinions come from a position of advancing age combined with little experience.

I am 54 years old and started running last year. From those facts alone it is obvious that my best days are not behind me - they never existed. I can never, will never be a competetive athlete. I can be average, in objective terms, and I can be jokey and put that down as an aspiration - but I know it is not the case. My aspiration is to be able to run the best that I can and find a sense of harmony between me and the physical world.

In my head I want to shout out:

"Roadrunner once
Roadrunner twice
I'm in love with the modern world
And ain't it nice"